I’m completing a bachelor of science with this semester’s subjects; psychology, biology, chemistry and creative writing. The first day was hard, I’m not going to lie, and it ended with me going home vowing that I’d never go back again. Tuesday was much the same but I did go back. And Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Slowly I got through it.
Monday morning I made sure I had researched what time train to catch and what buses and trams, and set out for my first ever lecture- an 8am one. Awkwardly waiting with my phone I was not prepared for the sheer number of people in my lectures. Going from sitting in a classroom with 24 other students to being in a lecture theater with approximately 500 was nothing short of terrifying. There was the problem of who to sit next to, where to sit, and of course what was one meant to actually do during a lecture? I’m still not sure about that.
On Tuesday I suffered my first anxiety attack at uni in, funnily enough, a psychology lecture. The music that was playing beforehand was loud and terrifying to my anxious ears. It was bound to happen at some point. Luckily nobody noticed that my heart was going a million km/min.
I decided I’d make some friends and so I did. I chatted to people in my lectures- then I lost them. I chatted to people in my tutorials but they didn’t seem to like me much. I tried to find the few people who went to my high school- no luck there. Keeping friends at uni is difficult and so my first week was quite a lonely one. I ate my lunch alone, in a different spot each day and wandered around camps yelling at my phone and the lost on campus app when the wifi cut in and out.
My first biology prac was an experience. I have absolutely no idea what it was about and I can’t remember what I did but I do remember feeling like I wasn’t smart enough to be there. Going to a prestigious uni wasn’t something that really influenced my decision. Instead it was the location and lack of a career path. That’s why I was quite taken aback when I started and left feeling quite small and alone and honestly, dumb.
Sorry if you just read all of my rambling and here’s hoping week 2 is better!!