I want this to be a positive update but it’s not. After my last post, things went downhill quickly. I lost contact with the few friends I had made last semester (*reminder to get contact details of any possible friends, or you know anyone who looks friendly *) and being in such a big course, I felt like I had to start from scratch again. I’ve never been a particularly social person but it’s like a big part of my life is missing. I’m not sure if I’ll ever find my ‘place’ again and maybe that’s a sign that I’m not in the right environment at the moment, but I have to hope that one day everything will work out.
I’m not working at the moment, in fact my anxiety has meant that I never have. I’m 18 years old and have never worked a day in my life- and I hate that. I need to be earning money so that I can have a future but I also don’t know how I’m going to manage that with studying. The only conclusion that I can come to is that I might have to drop my subject load. It’s not something I want to do but if I have to, then I have to.
In regards to my grades, I’m a lot more confident now. I’m hoping for one or two H1’s in some assignments that I poured my sweat and blood into, and I wrote my first ever lab report for psychology (part 1 of 2). The whole time I was writing it, I was thinking, ‘this is what I want to do for the rest of my life.’ And it’s exciting.
So, yeah. This isn’t a very eloquent or insightful post but then again- not everything is.
‘And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music’, Friedrich Nietzsche
It’s not all negative, I promise. (Many thanks to the amazing professor who introduced me to the mind of Nietzsche)