It’s an odd feeling, waking up and realising it’s October and that Christmas is just around the corner. I can still remember the nervous excitement I had at the start of the year. A lot has changed since then, and a lot hasn’t changed. I’m still the same person with the same values and the same priorities, I still get incredibly anxious about using public transport and I still spend too much time watching netflix instead of studying. There have been some little changes; my newfound love for veganism and botany, and some things that have been constant; converse I’m looking at you. But what has been great about this year is that I’m enjoying learning, putting myself in new and scary situations and am opening myself up to new opportunities.
It’s okay to not be okay. This is only something that I’m starting to realise now. I’m also beginning to come to terms with the fact that asking for help is a good thing. I’ve spent many a night wishing that I was ‘normal’ and could manage things on my own but nobody is perfect and asking for help is something we all need to do at times. Whether it be from a friend, family member, stranger, coworker, tutor or doctor.
You can fail your way to success. Each time you fall down, you learn from it and you become a stronger person. I recently received my first truly ‘bad’ mark since starting university and by that I mean throw your laptop across the room and pull out the ice-cream and tissues bad. But it’s okay, I like ice-cream. I didn’t intend to tell you this but hey, I won’t be the first or last to have failed something at uni. I got a mark of 36% on an assignment (worth 5% I don’t even know why I was upset) that I was sure I would get at least a H2A on and it made me doubt whether I deserved to be a student, but I do deserve to be where I am and one bad mark is nothing in the grand scheme of things. I just might have to work a little harder. If Steve Jobs and Bill Gates can drop out and still do amazing things then there is hope for the rest of us.
You are not the person you were yesterday. This year I have kept finding myself stuck in similar situations and it was only once I’d thought about it 2 million times that I realised, that what had changed was my opinion about the whole thing. Sometimes we do stupid things twice but the person we are when we do them isn’t going to be the same and we don’t have to do these things. We can choose not to.
Honestly, 2015 has been a little up and down for me (so far) but I’m proud to say that I’ve come further than where I was a year ago. I’ve changed from the clumsy, naive, western suburbs girl who somehow stumbled into this prestigious uni, to a slightly less naive, clumsy adult who still needs help to make her own medical appointments. One thing at a time (:
I know it’s only October but it’s been a year since I finished high school and it all feels like a dream. I hope you are all well, and feel free to contact me or comment on my posts at any time x