I’m not okay but that’s okay

 

I’ve spent a lot of this year pushing things aside and telling myself that I was on top of things. But, boy was I wrong about that. Recently I took the difficult step of reaching out to someone and while it hasn’t immediately fixed everything, it’s a start.

Throughout this year my mental health has deteriorated quite a lot and it’s been a struggle for me to come to terms with. Unlike many people, I didn’t make any close friends in my first year of university and I’ve spent a lot of it on my own which I believe has contributed to my issues. Because of this I felt like I didn’t have anyone to turn to and it got to the point where my grades had dropped so much that failure became likely. I turned to a student advisor who was probably the nicest person I’ve met this year and I believe that she probably saved my life through the conversations we had. She reassured me that I wasn’t the only one struggling and helped me take the next step which was a referral to a counselling service, they’ve since referred me to a more specialised service and I’m currently waiting to see if they will accept me. It’s difficult because I don’t currently have any label for what is going on and I’m imagining worst case scenarios. Hopefully things start to look up for me soon and I can get back into living my life the way I want to.

Right now things are going okay(there’s that word again ironically) and I’m awaiting my results to see whether I will need to get a late withdrawal or repeat an exam for any of my subjects.

For anyone reading this, I just wanted to say that you should never feel ashamed for any illness or problem that you are having. It does not make you weak or any less capable than anyone else. Some people that you can turn to when you are finding things difficult may include; a tutor, teacher, counsellor, psychologist, GP, friends, family, a Headspace centre… There are plenty of options.

If anyone wants to chat about anything, I’m always here and I’ll do my best to give advice where I can.

 

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