What a day.
Today was my first day back at uni and I had less classes then I usually would, it being the first week, so I thought things would be okay but not so much. Something playing on my mind is that I can’t just choose 2 or 3 subjects I want to do ALL the subjects. Which is hard when you haven’t studied in a while.
My day started off well. I had my first neuroscience lecture with the lecturer who I have idolised ever since starting uni. He was the one who inspired me to consider neuroscience as a real option and he was the one that motivated me and stopped me from dropping out after that first lonely semester. This guy is just one of those people that are so passionate about what they do and yet also so funny and real that you can’t help but like them. If I wasn’t interested in this subject I probably still would have chosen it just because his lectures are so much fun and so thought provoking.
Yeah so I was on a high when I went upstairs to my next lecture (research methods and stats). And here’s where things went downhill.
I tried to pay attention but when I looked up I realised I’d missed about 30 minutes without realising, couldn’t focus on what was being said and everything was just going over the top of my head. Not that the content was hard, just that I wasn’t mentally there.
I sat in my seat panicking because I was at the end of the row and couldn’t leave, until it got to halfway where there was a break and I escaped out the back to go and break down in the bathroom. It was like all my dreams had been taken away at once.
I assumed going back would be the same difficulty as when I first started but today was so much harder. And what’s worse is that no one seems to understand when I tell them that. They think I’m being dramatic and should be fine but I’m not.
I guess it’s just going to take time.
In other news, it was hilarious to see that o-week has morphed into a two week festival of everything from water slides to overnight sleepovers and parties on campus. The change makes me feel so old even though it’s only been two years since my o-week. My memories are of painfully lining up in the heat to be told all the free food was gone and then getting lost on campus. How things change.
Anyway, I’m out. This was just a quick update to let you know how today went. Here’s hoping things only get better.