I used to think that before and after photos were inspiring, now I see them for what they are; misleading and harmful. A small snapshot into a nonlinear journey. They do not capture the missed opportunities, the wasted hours or the pain felt inside. They are not a representation of what you were like before getting ill and they do not depict your rock bottom.
I always knew that when looking at these photos, I longed to look like the person in the before. Yet, I couldn’t comprehend that other people might find my own photos triggering too. To me, my worst never felt sick enough and I never embodied the image of the ‘eating disorder patient’ that I had instilled in me by the media. However what I failed to realise, was that as an eating disorder sufferer, my perception of my body was warped and the media’s representation wasn’t accurate. These comparisons depicted a certain stereotype of the illness that I so desperately wanted to break away from. I preached that eating disorders were about more than weight, but still kept old photos as proof that I was sick. But my sickness had nothing to do with the size of my body and neither does yours.
Weight gain in recovery can be a wonderful and necessary thing, but the thing is not everyone in recovery from an eating disorder gains weight and not everyone starts off underweight. The people who do are in the minority. Images of bodies who are visibly unwell can reinforce the notion that eating disorder sufferers must look ill to be struggling and for their illness to be valid. They can invoke comparison in susceptible people. This leads to people thinking that because they don’t look emaciated, they aren’t deserving of help and therefore they don’t seek it or accept it. Instead, they get sicker.
Furthermore, weight restoration is not an indication of health or happiness. It does not mean that you are healed. Eating disordered thoughts and behaviours can exist at any weight, and appearances can be misleading. You don’t need to look your worst, to be at your lowest point.
Before and after photos are an oversimplification of a serious disorder. Eating disorders are life-threatening, mental illnesses. They are about more than merely food and shape and impact almost every aspect of life. They can stem from things such as other mental illness, trauma, perfectionism or an inability to cope. They are not just about weight.
For those wanting to share before and after photos, ask yourself why. Is it because of nostalgia for the body you once had and could one day return to? Are these photos proof of the severity of your illness? Does the fact that you are seeking validation mean that you are still somehow entrenched in your disorder? Who will benefit from the comparisons and would they have once been harmful to you? You do not need to prove that you were ill and no one deserves to feel like their suffering was any less because their photos were not as dramatic. No one is diminishing your achievements and it’s positive to want to show that recovery is possible, but challenge yourself to see if there are other ways you could celebrate how far you’ve come. You deserve to feel proud but be careful of what you share because you do not want your photos serving as ‘thinspiration’ for pro-eating disorder communities.
I wouldn’t ordinarily encourage people to censor their stories as I believe it’s important to share both the good and bad, but not when this harms others. We need to be conscious of how certain material can be detrimental to those who are vulnerable and know that we are responsible for sharing our journeys in a way that doesn’t pigeonhole sufferers. We also need to be sharing the stories of those that are often not seen or heard, the sufferers’ whos before and after bodies may not look drastically different or involve weight loss, those who are in the majority.
Instead of posting before and after photos of bodies, how about comparisons of emotions and life. How did you feel? What were your days like? What did your illness prevent you from doing? How has your world been enriched by recovery? What do you know now that you wish you had known then?
Finally, you are not a ‘before’ or an ‘after’. You are a lifelong journey, a steadfast during. A work in progress.
Stop comparing yourself to who you were and embrace who you are and who you want to become. If you keep looking back, you’ll prevent yourself from blooming.
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